Photos on Facebook

One of the downsides of friends being able to upload and tag you in photos is that everyone gets to see monstrosities like this:

I look so BIG!
For once it's not all in my head, I actually look so much fatter than all my friends in the photos from that night. I had a great time whilst I was there, but that is hard to remember when I realise what I must have looked like to everyone else.

Ill

I have a horrible sore throat, sore neck, a pounding head and no energy.
Needless to say, exercise is the last thing I feel like doing.
I'm trying hard not to eat everything in the cupboards.

Trying to clamber back on to the bandwagon...

...but it's pretty difficult because I'm now 192lbs.
How on earth did I gain so much weight in such a short amount of time?
It's like my metabolism has just packed in and decided that everything I eat will turn straight to fat.

I've never told my mum what I weigh, but she started talking about cupcakes just after I had weighed myself so I told her I need to lose two stone just to be in the healthy category. Hopefully that will shut her up about how my friends must be 'jealous of your figure'. What world is she living in? I don't have a figure, I'm a blob, whilst my heaviest friend is probably 9 stone. I don't care that I'm the fat friend, I will always be bigger than the rest of them no matter what I do, but my mums comments just get under my skin.

When I crash, I crash hard

Oh dear, yesterday didn't go too well.
I had the whole day off from uni and really should have done some work.
Instead I spent the entire day in bed watching House and eating.
My disgusting intake was as follows:
A whole pan of cinder toffee
A bacon sandwich made with two rashers
Four pancakes with lemon juice and sugar
Two bars of galaxy
Aubergine lasagne
A whole tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food icecream
A bag of Haribo Tangtastics
A 2L bottle of lemon and lime

YUCK YUCK YUCK.
Trying to get back on track today and not think about how much I screwed up.
Weighed in this morning and my weight hasn't gone up at all, so as long as I'm good for the rest of the week it shouldn't damage my progress.

Sunshine

After my lovely lie in, I went and sat outside in the sunshine and browsed tumblr and listened to happy songs and ate watermelon.
Gave yoga a go, did this very basic video:

It makes me feel SO relaxed, love it.

Long day

Got absolutely everything on my to-do list done today, starting with getting up hideously early and going swimming. I also made progress on my practical report, got cleaning and laundry done, went food shopping, and had a go at making cinder toffee and doing the glass painting for the mother's day gift I'm making (chocolate covered honeycomb in a jar decorated with bees).
My dad called round unexpectedly, he'd been out on his motorbike and was in the area so dropped by for a coffee and a chat which was nice. He gave me some money because he's been paid for fitting a bathroom and it was a big job so he'd given some money to each of my brothers as well. That was a really nice surprise! Not sure what I want to do with it yet, although I kind of feel like going on a daytrip/short stay to London over the easter holidays so I might put it towards that.
It's past 1am now so I should probably go to bed, think I'll treat myself to a lie in =)

Mood Swings

I'd been feeling good about myself today.
I even randomly started smiling as I was walking along because I felt so happy.
Then this evening I was chatting with my housemates and I mentioned something about how I wanted to be different by the time I was 21, and the convo got serious and I started reflecting about my life and how I don't feel I've achieved anything and are worried about the future and feel like I'm not making the most of being young, and I got myself rather wound up and now feel quite down.
It's like I go through life laughing and joking, and in the moment I am actually happy, but there's always this undertone of dissatisfaction and self doubt and sometimes I just got on with things but other times it makes me feel bad. It is actually very tricky to put into words how I feel, because it's not like I'm sad and crying all the time but I still wouldn't say that I am actually properly happy.
But I have made progress.
Whereas I used to binge eat when I felt like this, instead I have made plans to get up at 6:45 tomorrow and go for an early morning swim. Some endorphins should make me feel better!