When I crash, I crash hard

Oh dear, yesterday didn't go too well.
I had the whole day off from uni and really should have done some work.
Instead I spent the entire day in bed watching House and eating.
My disgusting intake was as follows:
A whole pan of cinder toffee
A bacon sandwich made with two rashers
Four pancakes with lemon juice and sugar
Two bars of galaxy
Aubergine lasagne
A whole tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food icecream
A bag of Haribo Tangtastics
A 2L bottle of lemon and lime

YUCK YUCK YUCK.
Trying to get back on track today and not think about how much I screwed up.
Weighed in this morning and my weight hasn't gone up at all, so as long as I'm good for the rest of the week it shouldn't damage my progress.

Sunshine

After my lovely lie in, I went and sat outside in the sunshine and browsed tumblr and listened to happy songs and ate watermelon.
Gave yoga a go, did this very basic video:

It makes me feel SO relaxed, love it.

Long day

Got absolutely everything on my to-do list done today, starting with getting up hideously early and going swimming. I also made progress on my practical report, got cleaning and laundry done, went food shopping, and had a go at making cinder toffee and doing the glass painting for the mother's day gift I'm making (chocolate covered honeycomb in a jar decorated with bees).
My dad called round unexpectedly, he'd been out on his motorbike and was in the area so dropped by for a coffee and a chat which was nice. He gave me some money because he's been paid for fitting a bathroom and it was a big job so he'd given some money to each of my brothers as well. That was a really nice surprise! Not sure what I want to do with it yet, although I kind of feel like going on a daytrip/short stay to London over the easter holidays so I might put it towards that.
It's past 1am now so I should probably go to bed, think I'll treat myself to a lie in =)

Mood Swings

I'd been feeling good about myself today.
I even randomly started smiling as I was walking along because I felt so happy.
Then this evening I was chatting with my housemates and I mentioned something about how I wanted to be different by the time I was 21, and the convo got serious and I started reflecting about my life and how I don't feel I've achieved anything and are worried about the future and feel like I'm not making the most of being young, and I got myself rather wound up and now feel quite down.
It's like I go through life laughing and joking, and in the moment I am actually happy, but there's always this undertone of dissatisfaction and self doubt and sometimes I just got on with things but other times it makes me feel bad. It is actually very tricky to put into words how I feel, because it's not like I'm sad and crying all the time but I still wouldn't say that I am actually properly happy.
But I have made progress.
Whereas I used to binge eat when I felt like this, instead I have made plans to get up at 6:45 tomorrow and go for an early morning swim. Some endorphins should make me feel better!

Sushi!

I have been craving sushi really badly which is weird because I rarely eat it.
I found out online where the only decent sushi place is in town. It looks a bit dodgy and run down, but its authentic and all the customers seem to be chinese or japanese which is a pretty good recommendation.
It took me half an hour to walk there, but once I'd ordered it only took them 5 minutes to make it and then I took it home to savour it.

I'm not sure about the nutritional/calorie content of sushi, but as far as treats go its way better than a greasy pizza.
I might go to the chinese supermarket and find out how much it would cost to buy all the things I'd need to make my own sushi. I've had plenty of practice at making cucumber and crabstick rolls with my ex so I already know how to do it.

Productive day

Spent a good four hours in the library making notes from a textbook.
Stopped halfway through to investigate the new library cafe and tried a bacon, brie and mango chutney panini, it was just what I needed and melted in my mouth, so tasty.
Then this evening I set off for the swimming pool at six, was in the pool by seven, swam for 45mins, then got back home for nine. I was so grateful for my dinner by that point!
I tried making frozen yoghurt drops by putting blobs on a tray and whacking it in the freezer for an hour. It was just like having icecream but they melted very quickly as I was trying to pick them off the tray and it got a bit messy.
Just about ready to go to bed now, I could do with an early night.
I've been thinking about my exercise regime. I'm meant to be doing the 30 day shred still, but I spent a good two and a half weeks on the first stage because I kept missing days, and when I tried the second stage I wasn't really in the mood and it didn't seem very enjoyable. I only managed to motivate myself to do the first half then I gave up, and I still can't do a press up so they really put me off. So I think I might find a different series of videos, there are plenty out there to have a go at. That means my new plan is:
Monday - Workout video
Tuesday - Run
Wednesday - Swim
Thursday - Rest/yoga
Friday - Run
Saturday - Swim
Sunday - Rest/yoga

Next week is the last week of term though, so I don't know how well I'll stick to it once I go back home, but as I won't have any lectures to go to I should have plenty of time to work out.

Hungry

I've eaten really healthily today:
Muesli with a diced apple
Wholemeal pitta with a slice ham and lettuce
1 stick celery
About 10cm piece cucumber
Portion cauliflower curry (aprox 350 calories)
1/4 watermelon

I have also had TWO banana and lemon curd sandwiches made with wholemeal bread which work out at about 250 cals each
Even with the sandwiches I don't think my overall calories would be over my (very vague) target of 1200-1800, but I really don't want to have another snack now and then lose control and ruin it all. So despite the fact that I'm feeling hungry, I am not eating anything else.

I went for a run this morning. I went to bed a bit late last night and it was really cold when I woke up and I really just wanted to go back to sleep but I dragged myself out. I'm not fit enough to run continuously for any length of time, so rather than get disheartened I run for a minute then walk for a minute. It's just enough time to recover and then I'm back running again, so I can do it several times and run for longer in total than if I tried to do it all at once. My plan is to gradually increase the running, decrease the walking and do more sets. I'm being cautious though because I'm prone to shin splints despite following all the advice for beginner runners, so to make sure I don't over do it (and to stop running from becoming a chore I dread), I'm only going to run once a week.

Perspective

So I've been doing very well for the past few days. This morning my weight was back down the 3lbs I randomly put on a week ago so I was happy about that.
Overall though I'm only down 2lbs from the first measurement on my weightloss graph (186lbs) and I think I've been deluding myself that I've been making more progress than I actually have. I'm still over 13 stone which is the heaviest weight I usually ever get to, so I still haven't got to the weight I usually start a diet at.
At night when I'm feeling a bit hungry before I fall asleep I feel my stomach and have been kidding myself that it feels a bit smaller.
Now I'm not trying to rain on a parade - because I've decided to do this the healthy way and make it a lifestyle choice I know its going to take time. But if I get ahead of myself I'll start rewarding myself with treats or relaxing back into old habbits and that won't help me at all!
So I dug out my other pair of jeans and tried them on. They are size 14 straight leg. I bought them the weekend before I came back to uni after the summer and they just about fit. They were snug and a bit uncomfy if I was sat down for a while, but they were wearable. They are now VERY snug, so I am definitely carrying some extra blubber compared to five or so months ago. I've taken some photos to remind myself that I've got a long way to go and that I need to stay focused and motivated.

These are going to make great 'before' pictures to show off once I have some 'after' ones to compare them to.

 I wouldn't really want to show anyone the ones of me in my underwear!

The perfect saturday

Put together a breakfast ray this morning, I had my teapot and cup, a jug of milk, a glass of juice, a plate of buttered toast and a bowl of muesli. I sat in bed and ate it all leisurely whilst listening to classic fm.
Bliss.
Did a bit of reading and had some lunch then took myself off to find the swimming pool. I got a bit lost and spent about half an hour wandering in the wrong direction, but I got there eventually and had a good swim and then a lovely shower. A bath just isn't the same when the shower's broken.
Whipped up a stir fry with smoked salmon and mange tout and perused tumblr.
I couldn't have asked for a better day.
Now I'm just trying to decide what to do with the rest of my evening. I should probably do some more uni work but I'm more likely to end up watching a film. I watched The Shining for the first time last night which was good, but I don't really have any other films I've been waiting to watch so I might go for an old favourite.

Very domesticated

As I was walking back from my lecture my dad rang to say he'd arrived to fix our back gate, so I sat in the sunshine and had some lunch whilst he fitted a new lock. Then I popped on my apron and got cleaning the kitchen, lounge and bathroom so they are now sparkling. I'd tuned the radio onto classic fm, and when I'd finished I kept it on and sat in the lounge reading my textbook and drinking tea using the teapot mum gave me for christmas.
A bit later I cooked myself pork with potatoes and broccoli. I did the pork in a honey, mustard and apple sauce which was very tasty. In the evening we all watched 'Stick it' a gymnastics film, and rather than eating ice cream like the others I had a small bar of dark chocolate which I melted and dipped apple into. My weight has been creeping up and up because I lost focus and slipped back into my old habits so I should really tighten the reigns a bit, but I did feel like I NEEDED some chocolate.
Oh, and our shower has broken which totally sucks and means we'll have to have baths for the forseeable future.