I am a mess

I thought I'd pulled myself together.
Then I found out that one of my relatives died.
At first I was fine, I knew it was coming. Then I was going to a tutorial and a guy I barely know said something along the lines of 'smile, it might never happen'. I turned round and told him that someone I knew had just died. That was mean of me. If I'd made that mistake I would feel so guilty. But it really does annoy me when people say that, they are making a judgement on how you should be acting or feeling before they know the situation, it's just so presumptious.
As I was walking home I started to cry and as soon as I was in my room I broke down. Since then I've been in bed, eating and losing myself by watching NCIS. I missed two lectures and haven't done any work.
When my dad rang me to tell me, he said I should ring my mum who is staying with my gran. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know what she'd say. I don't want to hear her being upset. No one tells you how to act in these kind of situations.
I went through all of the photos I have on my laptop, dating back to the day I was born. I only have five photos of the relative who died. I don't think thats an accurate representation of how much they meant to me at all.