My new approach

I have magically lost 5lbs since I weighed myself yesterday morning. I must have had some SERIOUS water retention because yesterday I felt really dehydrated and couldn't get enough of the stuff.

I think that my new approach to eating is helping but I'm not expecting any results in the short term.
I have never been able to stick to a 'normal' diet of three balanced meals a day. For as long as I can remember I have always been sneaking extra food. Don't get me wrong, my parents always gave me plenty of food, with generous portions at dinner, but treats like biscuits and sweets were restricted. We had to ask for them and we were only allowed so much at a time.

One of my first memories is going downstairs before my parents woke up and taking kit kats out of the fridge and hiding by the backdoor to eat them. As I was growing up I was constantly taking extra food from the cupboards to eat in secret, and became rather tactical about it to try and stop anyone from realising. As soon as I was a teenager and was allowed to leave the house on my own, I was making frequent trips to supermarkets and the local co-op to buy sweets and chocolate. It got worse when I moved to university and I could eat as much as I wanted of anything I wanted. I have never had any restraint except when I've put myself on a diet. As soon as I get into the diet frame of mind I don't eat anything much at all for about a week, at which point I am so  hungry and tired and crabby that I give in and comfort eat. It doesn't really matter which diet I try, I always take it to the extreme and then give up because it's unmanageable.

That's why now, all I am focusing on is eating three meals a day and not bingeing. I am not tracking what I'm eating, counting calories or fat grams, or even whether I've had my five a day. I'm not too fussed about whether it is perfectly balanced as long as I break the habbit of a lifetime and start eating normally. My binges in the past few months have probably been adding an extra 1000 calories a day, so just taking that out of the equation should make a big difference.

The thing is that since I was about 15, no matter how much I've eaten my weight has always been between 12 and 13 stone. It seems to be my natural weight as it is hard for me to go below it and the other week was the first time I've ever been above it. So although cutting out my binges should technically make me lose weight I'm not 100% that it will work out that way.